Transgender Day of Visibility is celebrated on March 31 every year. The AmediYAS Employee Resource Group, an extension of the company's Diversity, Equity and Inclusion Council, and Amedisys are proud to join organizations around the world in celebrating the joy and resilience of trans people by amplifying the voices and experiences of these communities.
Courtney from the Oklahoma City care center recently shared her family's experience as her partner is transitioning.
How did Robyn realize this is how they wanted to live their life?
Robyn's decision was very random for me. I never knew or suspected any of this. Through the years of fostering and just having small children, we had gotten lost in the chaos of parenting and our marriage had taken a backseat. They came to me one evening and said they needed to ask me something. However, they didn’t have a question, they had a statement, but out of fear positioned it as a question. They said, "I think my pronouns are they/them and would you still want to be married to me if I wanted to be more masculine?" I am not a night-time talker, but I obviously was open to the sensitive conversation. I said that I love them, so, yes. I would still love them, I still want to [be [married to] them and I would support them through whatever this is.
What has been the most difficult part of their transition process thus far?
My first thought is acceptance. But its not acceptance in the sense of accepting them. Its more like, accepting that this life I pictured is not. For about 2 months, I cried everyday when I was alone. In the shower, in the bathroom, in the car. I was mourning the life I thought I was building. I was mourning my wife. I’ve loved saying that I have a wife. I’ve loved saying that we are a 2-mom family. What do I call them now? How will I describe our family now? In fact, I couldn’t begin the conversation at all without just crying to the point of almost hyperventilation. I immediately called and got into a therapist to help me cope with this. I was scared. I was scared for our us, our kids, our business. And, I was sad.
A friend that I reached out to, told me that all those are all labels. And the soul that I fell in love with, is still that same soul. Those were wonderful and true words that have resonated within me. We are three months in, I still catch myself from time to time in the mourning phase. But those words always pull me out of that dark place. Another hard part for me, was where does this leave me. I’m a lesbian. I’ve honestly never really been attracted to men. I mean, sure I’ve looked at McDreamy or McSteamy—who hasn’t? But I’ve never once thought about introducing my person as my husband. Or a Dad. I still almost turn my nose to it. I’m a proud lesbian. I’ve have loved being an example of a gay marriage that works, or Gay families that last, or successful gay people. I’ve loved that all these years, and I was sad that I had to let that verbiage go. I was very confused and sad. But, I’m not hyperventilating anymore. And I’ve learned to give myself grace through this process. And Robyn has offered Grace as well. My only thought is that we are going to evolve together. I believe in marriage, as people get older, they either grow together, or they grow apart. My prayer is that we grow together. And, I think, we are going to come out of this stronger than we’ve ever been.
Thank you, Courtney and Robyn, for your courage in telling us your beautiful story and experience. Together, we can bridge our divides and open hearts and minds to true acceptance and validation.